Taking the first step

I've always said that sometimes it takes a grand piano to fall on my head for me to notice something.

I am approaching the age of 40 and feel that I need to make a few changes in my life and figure out who the hell I am and what I'm doing with my life (aka mid-life crisis). Its been bugging me for a while. My problem (well, one of many) is that I have ideas in my head but am afraid to give them shape, for if they have shape they are identifiable. If they are identifiable they can be implemented. If they can be implemented, they can fail....I can fail. I am so afraid of failure that I often do not even try. (This is the real reason I do not like to play board games).

So, a few weeks ago an e-mail came across my desk, "Baby Steps for Finding your Voice", an on-line yoga couching programme offered by a local instructor (Beth). A similar course came across my desk earlier in the fall ("Finding your Voice Group Couching") and even though I loved what the course offered, I was not ready to make that type of commitment nor take that type of step. But Baby Steps? That sounded more my speed, I just wasn't sure if this yoga thing was for me. I have taken a few yoga courses in the past and I admit that the ones I enjoyed most were the ones where the instructor added a spiritual element to it. I even had Beth once as a substitute instructor for a pre-natal yoga class and even years later I remember the feeling I had in that class. Still....yoga?...on-line?...????

I felt it was time to do something, but as usual, I had no idea what it was. So, I bit the bullet and contacted a few of my closer friends and asked for advice. I told them that I would be making the journey - a mid-life discovery (I didn't use the word then) starting on the full moon on October 29, 2012 and working with new moon (aka dark moon) energy until the full moon around my birthday (I guess that would be February 26, 2013). I asked for any advice or activities to help me along. Each one came up with wonderful insight and suggestions (I know some pretty awesome women). Asking for help was a big step for me as I have a tendency to think I can handle things myself. Also, other people now know about my journey...so I have someone to be accountable to.

A long time ago I went through a major depressive episode. I was a mess - self destructive thoughts filled my head and I felt worthless. I was more than willing to let it go on, to live my life in my personal hell, but someone urged me to get help. I couldn't do it for myself, but I could do it for them. Someone to be accountable to......

The next day I received a You-Tube update from a Canadian musician that I follow/subscribe to. It seems he was taking a yoga course which focused on addiction and recovery. Being the information sponge (obsessive) person I am, I looked up the course info....damn that looked interesting! Hmm...another yoga course.....

So I signed up for the Baby Steps course. I guess this is my first moon cycle activity - giving voice to my dreams and desires.